Staying Afloat

Weddings, Birthdays, Graduations

We had our Chinese wedding banquet about a month ago at Lichee Garden.  Except for the night before the event, it was not too stressful.  I made a beautiful bridal bouquet with lavendar tulips, magenta gerberas, and green cymbidiums.  It took way longer than it should have, mostly in the arrangement of the flowers so as not to overwhelm with the gerberas.  Maria decorated the cake with gerberas and a few of the orchids.  Absolutely gorgeous!  Loanne made a beautiful bonnet with black paisley on white with red ribbon to match her dress.  Maria and Alex were wonderful assistants especially in helping with the kids.

I took Max on a belated birthday long weekend trip to Monterey a week after the wedding.  Stayed at the Portola Hotel at Fisherman's Wharf.  The hotel was wonderful.  All the windows had white wooden shutters.  We gorged ourselves on prime rib and filet mignon and ended the dinner with creme brulee and tiramisu.  Including the appetizers, the food was all excellent but way too much.  During the stay Sophie must have started experiencing homesickness or anxiety.  She did not sleep well and rolled around on the bed for hours on end when she should have been sleeping.  When we got home on Sunday, we realized that she was practicing her crawling techniques as she performed her first commando crawl that evening.

Two Fridays ago, Sophie's two lower front teeth finally popped out.  Not too much fuss, a few sleepless nights.  A few more in the past week probably due to teething AND being sick from who knows where.  Now I'm also sick with a lot of nasal and head congestion, almost like allergies, but not allergies.  Max has a scratchy throat.  I suppose this getting sick trend will be the status quo for years to come.

This coming Saturday, we're making another road trip to Los Angeles for Alex' PhD ceremony.  We were hoping for nice weather and for Sophie to have a chance in the pool.  Unfortunately the forecast is for high 60s, and ironically low 70s in Belmont. 

It's day 2 or 3 of my attempt at quitting pumping. I suddenly realized last night that my crazy post-pregnancy hair loss has subsided - maybe. It's probably not related to the pumping but it's definitely significant and welcome. I have some noticeably baby hairs sprouting up in front and on top of my head.

Anyway, since I've had 5 incidence of clogged ducts, I seem to have this irrational fear of its recurrence. Irrational meaning that I obsess about it possibly happening. I'm pumping for 10 minutes every 5.5-6.5 hours so far. Early in the evening, I was in the J. Crew dressing room and saw that I was dripping. First time it's happened since the first month after Sophie was born and after my first experience with clogged ducts. My breasts have felt like rocks on and off today. Not really uncomfortably except for mentally because of my obsessive fear.

Also I can't stop feeling bad and thinking of analogies to describe my feelings. It's like what I would imagine I would feel if I decided to poison my own children slowly to avoid having someone take them away and torture them. Why all this guilt? Self-imposed or society-induced?

Max and others try to remind me of what I've accomplished since the beginning. My perseverance at giving my baby breast milk despite her not latching, despite all the pain, despite all the clogged ducts, and constant resulting setbacks. Mostly all the mental anguish. We even did SNS for a while. So many difficulties that I have a hard time remembering.

I'm feeling so hormonal. Along with the gloomy cool weather, my hormones and the unknown future of my breasts vs. milk supply are proving to be daunting challenges to my mental stability. Goodness, I'm almost feeling like I did during the 2nd month when I was unable to even look at Sophie out of guilt and helplessness.

We've had a lot of firsts in the past week. The weather got nice temporarily and we finally got a chance to put dresses on Sophie, with pants underneath.

Sophie started sitting up steadily last week, a bit wobbly at first, but pretty steady on her own for the most part. 

She re-started on solids 2 weekends ago, first with rice cereal, then mashed steamed carrots, and now bananas.  She got really excited yesterday morning and leaned forward in the husband, expecting her daily meal of barely an ounce of solids.  For a while, she was pooping pretty regularly but since starting these solids, frequency has decreased again.  Wondering if we're not feeding her enough, we're cutting back an ounce each time she gets solids.

Sophie started doing this hitting motion with her right arm a few days ago.  I'm sure it's influenced by her grandpa.  At first it was cute but now she just won't stop.

After weeks of futile searches and phone interviews, we finally found a great caregiver for Sophie in Millbrae - Christina Baugh of Sunshine Daycare in Millbrae. Because Sophie cried inconsolably the 2 times that she met Christina, I was really worried that she would not survive her first day there. But other than a short nap in the morning, everything seemed as much like usual as possible. Christina should be a good influence on Sophie with her positive and happy disposition.

I also started my attempt to quit pumping. Just like taking care of a baby, there's no protocol. Yesterday I pumped 15 minutes instead of 20. I was still getting similar output. Today I cut it down to 10 minutes but now my breasts feel hard and I can actually feel the nodules. Even at 10 minutes, I'm still getting 7-8 oz per 5+ hours. Each subsequent pumping seems to generate more milk. So worried about clogging my ducts again. A lesser worry but I also can't help feeling bad about quitting when my supply is at its best, ranging from 9-11+ oz per 5 hours, when pumping for 20 minutes.

So it is with true mixed feelings that I am endeavoring to quit pumping. I can almost taste the freedom of not being tied down to the pump and being able to reclaim my body. At the same time, I have to survive the process of weaning and be careful not to get sick with clogged ducts. Will my breasts shrink in size or stay one size larger than my prepregnancy state? Will I quickly regain lbs or stay at about 110 lbs, like my weight from almost 10 years ago? There's no way of knowing except to wait.

When life gets crazy and the stress avalanche is tumbling towards me, I realize that my ultimate instant escape are the blogs that I follow. One that I love in particular is http://3peanuts.blogspot.com/ . I came upon this blog 2-3 years ago through my cousin in-law's blog that focuses on their life with an adopted girl from China. For years, 3 peanuts has occasionally asked readers to introduce themselves. But I find it difficult to reach out and know what to say. I only realize now that the reason I love this blog is because the essence of the blog is to savor the finer details in life. The layout is very cheerful and despite the very real daily challenges the blogger describes, she is so warmly approachable and seems to deal with things calmly. I feel inspired whenever I read her blog and walk away knowing that everything will be just fine.

Week in Review

Sophie hit her 5th month birthday today after a completely dizzifying week. She measures 27" with a relatively long neck and appears long except for chubby thighs and a bigger head (just like mommy in this regard).

Her 5th month also means that I have one more month of middle of the night pumpings.  On this day next month, I will try to go down to 5 pumpings a day.  It's getting harder and harder to get up and pump on schedule.  Hopefully I have at least 2 months of frozen milk that can be used when I finally stop pumping, whenever that occurs.

Valentine's day seems like it was so long ago. With Sophie, it just seems easier to not do anything. In fact I wasn't even expecting flowers from Max. So I was completely surprised me and touched when he came home from a long commute and wished me a happy Valentine's day with a beautiful and fragrant lily bouquet in one hand and our dear baby daughter in the other. The flowers are blooming beautifully on the dining table.

Other than Monday, we've been homebound. Max decided to work from home on Wednesday seeing as it rained so hard during the night with a forecast of more rain during the day (and week). Later it turned out that he came down with a fever. As the day wore on, the fever got a bit more severe and he started vomiting. We kept him hydrated and tried to give him chicken noodle soup. But for the most part, he didn't start feeling appetized until today.  Not like I didn't know this but I really rely on him to get so much done that daily responsibilities are almost unmanageable when he's sick.

Sophie in the meantime had been a bit fussy starting on Tuesday. For weeks now, on and off, she's acted strange. For instance about a week ago, she woke up several times during the night. I wondered if she needed solid supplements. On Wednesday, after 2 days of fussiness between feedings, I made rice cereal with breastmilk. She seemed to like it and tried to lunge at the bowl as I fed her with a spoon. Although it was messy, the worse part was that she was very angry that she was being fed enough or fast enough. After a few minutes, a big messy bib, and lots of tears, I poured the mix into a milk bottle and got better results. As soon as that was done, there was more angry crying followed by her usual 7 ounce bottle of milk. And then she presented one of her happiest smiles ever. We're still trying to work out her feeding routine. There are too many mixed messages from many medical sources.

She has become noticeably more interactive and reaches for things that she wants, especially foodwise. She has distinct cries, desperate when she does not want to be somewhere or doing something, whiny when she wants something from you. She looks at you with those teary eyes as if to gauge your response. She smiles and grins when she likes something that you're doing to or with her or wants to engage you in more interaction.  She makes a lot of sounds when she's playing by herself. 

Tomorrow is the Southwest Chinese New Year Parade, but we made plans when I failed to remember to plan for this event.  All the better since it's forecasted to rain tonmorrow which is not unusual for this weekend every year.  We plan on going up to Walnut Creek to stay at Embassy Suites, for the sake of spending Hilton Honors points so that they don't expire.  Hopefully the weather will clear up and allow us to have a relaxing break from home.

TGIT

Always thankful on Thursday these days. Although Friday is a work day, being able to work from home with Max and Sophie is a true luxury. I get to wake at 7 instead of 6:30. That half hour makes such a difference. Of course it helps that the next 2 days are also "play" days or days when we can sleep just a tad more.

It's also pretty awesome when packages arrive. Tomorrow I'm expecting my Valentine's day gift from Max - Jane Street Remy wallet from Kate Spade.  Pretty exciting, especially considering that it will be the extent of our celebration. 

 


Sophie's cereal is supposed to come in too. We ordered Earth's Best organic brown rice cereal. All review websites gives it thumbs up!

Does this qualify as product feedback?

PS I also hereby give permission for you to take the website in to the car park and shoot it.

We have no ability to influence product enhancement despite constant feedback from customers of this nature, of course, with more constructive details.

QotD: Feeling Blue

What is something that can always make you feel better?
Submitted by meehshell

Flowers, all kinds of flowers

Valentine's Day Flowers

 

The most beautiful tulips I've ever gotten.  Max is the best!

Tulip closeup

Valentine's tulips

Tulip heart

Binging

This doesn't happen to me often but I've been on a snack binge since the weekend.  I'm currently eating TGI Friday's potato skin cheddar and bacon chips.  Mmmyum.  Less than an hour ago, I had an orange cremesicle.  Other things that I've had since Sunday...Lindt milk chocolate truffles, chocolate-stuffed panda biscuits, lots and lots of Teavana Dragon jasmine pearls with Rooibos tropical (not really a snack but I've had too much for it to be healthy), salt and vinegar Kettle chips, too many chocolate chip cookies.  Oh and of course the Korean banchan buffet on Monday night but that's not really a snack.

The problem is that they all hit the spot, but the spot is constantly on the move.  I've even considered circulating the cubes to swap snacks with others.